The Attacks of the Gulls


I’m here to share this tale with you, Still quite traumatized…
Of an event that happened in a flash, Before my very eyes.

It dates back to the winter,
My first Miami trip,
When I met this super sandwich,
Whos ingredients did not jip.

Inside a fresh croissant,
Lie prosciutto and mozzarella…
In one fell swoop, with just one bite,
Deep in love I fell.

Do I eat it all? Save leftovers?
I was stuck in quite a jam…
Before finishing this work of art,
I snapped a pic for Instagram.

Fast forward to November,
So we meet again.
I didn’t even need a menu,
Despite how long it’s been.

Sandwich in hand, smile on face,
I skipped down to the sand…
Little did I know, that this decision
Was the beginning of the end.

“Look how many friends you’ve made”
Said Sandra, about the birds…
I realized then the danger I was in,
“Oh Shit!” Being my final words.

They inched nearer and nearer,
As I tried to swat them away…
But these harsh fowl did not back down,
Much to my dismay.

The head honcho soon squacked his call,
The leader of the pack.
The most terrified I’ve ever been,
Was the target of a bird attack.

Lettuce to the left, tomato to the right,
Feathers flying everywhere!
Even after the sandwich was devoured,
They still swarmed within my hair!

There was no escaping them,
I ran what felt like miles!
And the bystanders that witnessed it all,
Were nothing but laughs and smiles.

My friend, just sipping coffee,
Was in danger by association.
This attack on the both of us,
Led to hours of conversation.

We said our goodbyes, cursed the birds,
And prayed for our dear lives.
Then suddenly a godsend,
Put an end to all our strifes.

A couple way down yonder,
Proudly opened up their lunch bag.
The birds quickly took notice,
Finding brand new pray to hag.

So here is what I learned from this,
The lesson I can teach…

Don’t be the fool to try and eat
Your sandwich on the beach.


A Slice of Life: Confessions of a Deli Diva

For the past 12 weeks, I’ve been slicing, preparing, and creating works of sandwich art.


If you think working at a deli can only teach your how to master the art of the panini – you’re missing the bigger picture. Sure, my panini making skills have vastly improved, but here are some more important slices of life:

Power of Preparation


The key to deli success- preparation. Without it, you are fighting a losing battle. This is no different than success in life. Without preparation– physical, mental & emotional– it just isn’t possible to successfully overcome whatever life is throwing at you. Always make sure you’ve got your tomatoes and lettuce sliced and ready to go!

“It’s just food.“


This was the first bit of deli wisdom imparted onto me (…thanks Stove). Don’t lose sight of what you’re doing. When you’re stressed out, break the situation down to its most basic form. If you make a mistake, it’s okay. We live, we learn, we make more sandwiches.

Learn people’s names


No matter what you’re doing, if you’re seeing people on a regular basis– learn their name. And call them by their name. This works both ways! When a customer calls me Lauren, I feel acknowledged as a human. We have a psychological need to be connected, and learning names is step one.

Sleep Well


Don’t ever underestimate the power of sleep. Breakfast doesn’t cook itself, and a deli diva needs beauty sleep. Sacrifice late nights for days where you won’t be miserably sleep deprived. Learn to manage your time correctly. There’s plenty of time to work hard & play hard.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy


Moods are contagious, so be in a good one! Be genuine, and spread good vibes! They go a long way. There’s a quote that says, “the grumpier you are, the more assholes you meet.” Yes, there will always be assholes. However, a smile will get you a lot further than a puss. (An all day smile is impossible to maintain without a goodnights sleep… see step 4)

This job was not anywhere near my comfort zone. I went from dance teacher to deli diva, pushing me to overcome my fears of slicers and liverwurst (…thanks Will). Embrace uncomfortable situations– they give you opportunities to grow in ways you wouldn’t imagine, meet amazing people, and gain appreciation for things, places, and services you normally take for granted!