What good does it do to fight fire with fire? 

“Beyond each impenetrable expanse of thundercloud obscurity reigns a boundless canopy of brilliant sapphire blue.” Cara Fox

Today, we remember a catastrophic event of modern history. New Yorkers can close their eyes and feel the depths of darkness experienced 17 years ago. For some, it was their first exposure to the personification of Evil. For others, it had confirmed the belief that all is not well. That hell is not a place experienced after death, but is a reality that exists on this Earthly planet, fueled by hatred, anger, fear, and downright indifference towards others.

It has been said that optimism is an intellectual choice. Choices put the locus of control in our hands, our hearts, and out minds. A choice is a decision, and if you are as scientifically minded as I, you know that decisions take time, focus, and effort. Whether your decisions are mediated by your thoughts, your feelings, or a delicate dance of both, they dictate your choices in how you act, or how you react.

What good does it do to fight fire with fire? 

Think about the force of a flame. While a fire has the power to destroy, it also does something quite wonderful. If channeled correctly, a fire can create light and warmth.

On a day like today, many of us gather together sharing our light and warmth with those who have experienced great loss. Loss, however, can still be felt on October 11th, November 11th, and so on. The love we share with others today can serve as a wonderful reminder of the power of camaraderie, thoughtfulness, and compassion towards our neighbors. But what will it take to carry such qualities with us for the remaining 364 days of the year?

9/11 allowed a nation to experience terror as a collective whole, providing a common ground of grief as we all try to pick up the pieces and trudge on. Individuals experience terror in their lives each and every day. We see celebrities battle addiction and depression. We see family members suffer illness and abuse. I ask again, what will it take for us to embody compassion towards others on a daily basis? 

In college, I acquired the nickname Buddha. Some people have found the nature of my being refreshing, while others have noted is as a weakness. For those of you who struggle to choose optimism, compassion, and forgiveness, I want to remind you of the light we all have burning inside of us. While it may be easier to fight fire with fire, all that’s left are ashes. But, if you tend to your flame as you’d tend to a campfire, you will always carry with you a source of warmth and light.

As optimistic as I am, I’m realistic in knowing that there is a force of evil that exists in the world, and that it is here to stay. As individuals, we have the power to choose to succumb to such darkness, or to use that darkness as a reminder to appreciate the light. Use it as a reminder, that although you may not be experiencing such darkness, others are stuck in its clutches and are in need of your warm, shining light.

So, when you wake up on September 12th, make a conscious effort to be as compassionate towards your neighbor as you were today. The ripple effect of empathy can far surpass that of evil.

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27 Things to do that are more fulfilling than complaining about turning 27…

We’re all climbing up that steep ladder called life, one lap around the sun at a time. My grandma always says, the older you get, the faster it goes. It feels like I was just planning my super hip Laguna Beach-themed 14 year old pool party, and yet here I am, writing about turning 27. Time flies whether you’re having fun or not, and our increase in age is inevitable. So, rather then complain about that slippery slope of getting older, here are 27 things to do that are more productive and fulfilling…

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  1. Get sweaty. Whether it’s running, jumping, lifting, or dancing, incorporate physical activity into your daily life.
  2. Take yourself out to dinner. Or lunch, or breakfast. Get comfortable spending time with yourself by keeping your phone in the car.
  3. Book a solo trip. You’ve mastered the art of dining alone, now go ahead and see the world with the most badass travel buddy out there— yourself.
  4. Drink a beer. A good beer. In the shower. There’s nothing a nice shower beer can’t cure.
  5. Clean your space. Vacuum. Dust. Declutter. Donate the things you don’t need. If you live as if you’re always expecting a wildfire, you begin to realize the material possessions you truly care about.
  6. Cook. Get creative! Try different spices and recipes, and don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Sometimes they lead to a whole new creation. IMG_6814.jpeg
  7. Meditate. Practice the art of stillness. Developing a mindful meditation practice has been my super tool in combating anxiety.
  8. Stretch. Amazon prime yourself a foam roller, and roll with it. You may surprise yourself with how flexible you are— mind, body and soul.
  9. Read something someone else wrote. Whether it’s a book, blog, or magazine. Fill your mind with the musing of others.
  10. Read something you wrote. I know personally, I’ve got a plethora of old notebooks hiding under my bed. Dust off the cobwebs are tap into thoughts of the past.
  11. Play an instrument. You don’t have the be the best, you don’t even have to be that good. Just try. Activate a new part of your brain.
  12. Organize your photos. You know you have to. When’s the last time you went through your photos from that trip in 2014?
  13. Take some more photos. Go outside. Find a pretty flower. Snap some shots.
  14. Get a pet. There’s nothing better than some unconditional fluffy love.Image-1.jpg
  15. Do your laundry. And then put it away. Don’t leave it in that pile one “the chair.” Be responsible, you’re almost 30.
  16. Write for yourself. Let your mind flow and your pen go.
  17. Write for others. Perhaps it’s a blog about 27 things to do that are more fulfilling than complaining about turning 27…
  18. Buy yourself a nice shirt. It’s got to be a shirt, and it’s got to be a nice one. You’ll feel that confidence dripping when your strutting around in that $30 diddy.
  19. Learn the lyrics to your favorite rap. A little swag never hurt nobody.
  20. Practice a new language. Duolingo is calling, and you should answer.
  21. Draw or paint or sketch. A free flowing creative mind is a peaceful one.
  22. Write a letter. It can be a letter to yourself, or to someone you care about. Whether or not you send it is up to you.
  23. Learn to do a handstand. It’s easier than you think. Engage that coreIMG_6070.JPG
  24. Garden. A little chlorophyl goes a long way. Dig into that dirt, go green. Bonus points if you see worms.
  25. Reflect over the last 27 years, or the last 27 minutes. Allow the lessons of your past to fuel your present.
  26. List your goals. It will bring you that much closer to achieving them. Be proud of your progress and empowered on your journey.
  27. Eat some cake. And eat it for breakfast. Live your life, you’ve made it this far!

RELATED: 26 Things I Learned by the Time I Turned 26 

When Are You Done?

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A question you’d never ask

to a rising or setting sun;

Star, oh star, tell me-

When are you done?

Today, I woke up, took a deep breath, and was able to enjoy a sense of relief that has been a stranger to me for the last 28 days. Four weeks ago marked the beginning of my comprehensive exam, which is the point that has the power to transition you from a student to a candidate in the quest for a PhD. Embracing the reality that the power is ultimately within me, and not within the exam itself, has led me to take on this challenge as I take on everything else— with strength in my gut, and a smile on my face.

A major factor I had to consider in my decision to pursue such a degree online was sacrificing being surrounded by a community of fellow learners, all going through the same stressful crap, at the same stressful time. One of my favorite parts about the program that I selected is that it requires you to attend 3 on ground residencies, in varying cities, in order to interact with the faculty and your peers as you build your dissertation research plan.. or DRP for short. At these residencies, I was able to connect with fellow learners and form a bond outside of our digital discussion boards. The beauty of maintaining such connections is the ability to keep your community of fellow learners in your pocket, as you go back home and continue the journey of PhD-dum.

Another learner I have grown quite close to; a fellow lady boss who has embodied the spirit of “I can do anything I set my heart and mind to”, completed her comprehensive exam a quarter before mine began. Naturally, she was the first person I went to for advice. What she told me was quite simple… don’t procrastinate! Now, completing a degree online means you’ve got to dedicate your time wisely, however, I call myself “Last Minute Lauren,” and often find myself experiencing the phenomenon of— due today… do today!

This was not the case for comps, though. Instead, I found myself experiencing the feeling of— due in four weeks… freak out every day about it until it is done! But giving into the negative side of a stressful situation doesn’t get you very far. In fact, it blinds you from the very tools that you need to keep moving forward. So, once I was able to convince myself that “I’ve got this”, and truly believe it, I was able to start writing with a fierceness ready to take the scientific world by storm.

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So what exactly were my comps like?

A student can’t sit for comps until they have received a passing grade on their DRP, which has been developed throughout those 3 on ground residencies. The DRP is a detailed outline, rooted in psychological theory, advanced statistical methodology, and over 75+ scientific, peer reviewed articles that explains what exactly you plan on conducting a dissertation on.

When I say the word “dissertation”, people cringe. It’s a word that is associated with being long, difficult, boring, and most often related to Ross from Friends. But when I think about dissertation, I think about the love of a particular subject that it represents. If you’re willing to dedicate so much of your time and mental energy to learning so much about one thing, this must be what you were born to do.

On my very first day of grad school, my professor referred to us, those pursuing our Master’s in Psychology, as agents of social change. Everything I learned throughout this program, I learned through this lens, where I focused on how the tool of social media can be used in a positive way. On the first day of class at my online university, I was taughtthat a PhD is not something you get, but rather something that you become. It does not just mean being a learner to the highest degree, but instead, a creator of new knowledge. To me, my dissertation is the culmination of these two definitions, putting forth such effort and ideas into the world that are rooted in the promise of promoting positivity.

While there are hundreds of topics worthy of dissertation research, my particular interest falls within the category of Applied Psychology. Any time I tell someone I study psychology they say… “oh, so you’re analyzing me right now.” Psychology is so often associated with therapy that those outside of this psych world don’t know much about the other facets that exist. Put simply, there are two paths that you can take in studying psychology. If your goal is to become a therapist, your degree include clinical hours and supervised internships, training you to help others sort through their web of thoughts. Or, you can take the other path— a path that I never, ever ever ever thought that I would love as much as I do… the path of research.

As an undergrad, research classes were the most boring lectures I’ve ever had to endure. Statistics. Factors. Variables. Boring. Boring. Boring. The classes on the abnormal mind, on personality, on interactions, THOSE are the ones that really got me going. I learned and I learned and I learned some more, but when it came time to digest, that’s when I realized— hey, wait a second, none of these other classes would exist if it weren’t for research.

Researchers are the ones who dig deep, and ask the questions, based upon questions of theories that those before them have pondered. The next fork in the road comes when selecting what type of research you’d like to conduct. One road is numerical in nature, quantifying constructs into statistical puzzles. The other road, qualitative research, analyzes data in a descriptive way, painting a meaningful picture of a complex situation through methods such as interviews or case studies. I chose to trek along the numerical road of quantitative research, for math has always been a subject that my hyper-analytical mind has found soothing. In my comps, I wrote that “numbers are meaningless unless we can find the patters that lie beneath them”, and that’s something that a nerd like myself finds fascinating.

I always quote my favorite professor in defining science as a way to solve a problem. With the endless problems that exist in the world, science is pretty damn important. My dissertation will begin with the explanation of a problem. But, in science, you can’t just say that something is a problem… you’ve got to back it up. You back it up with the research that’s been created and peer reviewed by other researchers, that is based upon the research that someone else has researched. There a scientific world of interconnected truths that exists outside the realm of what we’re being fed by the media, but, I digress.

I have not digressed too far, though, because the problem that I am explaining in my dissertation is that of a distracted, digitally connected society. It has been said that because of the integration of digital technology into our everyday lives, we are becoming too distracted to consider our own thoughts. That is a terrifying reality. Living life in a thoughtless way makes us so easily controllable, but is something that I think can be remedied if we all choose to practice a little something called mindfulness. Being mindful is a concept that’s based upon Eastern thought, and represents the act of being present. If we are mindful, and choose to use digital technology in a mindful way, we are regaining our power over our own minds.

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A dissertation must not be confused with a plan of action to save the world. Such a mindset in tackling such a lengthy endeavor will drive you crazy. While science is a way to solve a problem, the world is not black and white. Each study that is conducted are the building blocks used that when considered together, become a force towards positive change.

So, I’ll ask again, what exactly were my comps like?

I received 3 separate questions, requiring a response of up to 17 pages per question, with 20+ research articles referenced within each response. Each question will be graded by 3 separate professors, double blind, meaning they don’t know who submitted it, and I won’t know who graded it.

Question 1 asked me to explain the theory my study is based upon, and why this theory is best suited for my topic, by also explaining other theories that I won’t be using. Classic learning… examining what you DO know, by comparing it to what you DON’T know! My study is rooted in Carl Jung’s theory of personality. This is the theory where that four letter typology comes from— like, for example, I’m an ENFJ— meaning I prefer extraversion to introversion, intuition to sensing, feeling to thinking, and judging to perceiving. Without going into 17 more pages of detail, spark notes version is here to explain that I’m interesting in knowing if these aspects of personality are associated with how mindful an individual is.

Question 2 asks about the current literature in the field. The board that approves or denies the right to research (which is my next step in this journey.. *gulp*), will throw your study out so fast if it’s been done before. A study can only have scientific merit if it explains why and how it is filling a gap that exists within the particular field of interest. Such a gap keeps widening within the world of social media psychology, because media itself is changing daily. What I’m doing, that other researchers have not done before, is considering the relationship between one’s personality type and mindfulness, along with how integrated social media use has become within their life.

Finally, Question 3 was where I explained my research methods, starting with my reasoning behind choosing quantitative research over qualitative, in a more words than just, “Math is cool. 😎” Each concept I explain, from personality, to mindfulness, to social media use integration has to be defined through valid and reliable assessments that exist. Then, once I get all of this data, what am I going to do with it?! I’m going to statistically analyze the hell out of it, that’s what I’m gonna do.

What comes next?

In one week, I’ll find out if I pass my comps, or have to make any revisions before resubmitting. Then, I get assigned to a mentor, and have to explain my study to the big, bad, Institutional Review Board, that can make me or break me. After jumping through that hoop, the dissertation games begin! I will write more, and more, and more about the theory and literature my study is based upon. Until finally, it comes time to actually collect the data. After reaching my magic number of about 100 participants, I’ll crunch the numbers and see what statistics has to say about the relationship between personality, social media use integration, and mindfulness. Yada yada yada.. there’s my dissertation!

But when are you done?

Short answer, never. While graduation commences after the dissertation is complete, you are never really done with your PhD. Again, this degree is not something you get, it’s something you become. I am slowly but surely realizing what people mean when they talk about their life’s work. The topic of social media use integration was quantified by researchers that I have been fan girling over since 2012. As a PhD you keep building upon the knowledge that you create, expanding this web of information to inspire others in your field to run with it, adding their own twists and perspectives.

I can say, with a smile on my face that the knowledge I am seeking to create is in fact my life’s work. Because here I am, on my first day that I don’t have to be writing about my dissertation topic… writing about my dissertation topic.

So when you see the rising sun,

And say; oh star, when are you done?

It will simply continue rising;

Her duties only just begun.

Rising. Setting. That consistent sun.

Oh star. Oh star. But when are you done?

Life and learning are but a process;

And such a journey is quite fun.

The Path You Pave

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Tough as a rock,

strong as a stone;

take a deep breath, 

and go alone. 

Luck favors the bold,

so go and be brave; 

you never know who’s following

the path that you pave.

Whenever someone says, “Travel solo?! I could never do that!” I say, “…not with that attitude.” 😏 There’s a tremendous amount of empowerment that comes with going somewhere on your own. Somedays often turn to nevers, and if you spend your life waiting to coordinate with the schedules of others, you may never climb that mountain, or see that beach, or taste that poutine. It’s ok to be nervous, nerves are cousin to excitement. Embrace time spent with yourself; the Earth is awesome, and so are you. 🌎

A Patient Start

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The keeper of time,

the setter of the sun;

Keep smiling, stay patient,

it’s only just begun.

A seedling in the dirt,

awaits its time to grow,

sprouting when it may;

Good things take time, you know.

In my happy head,

with my happy heart,

I’ll wait & wait & wait some more;

Love grows with a patient start.

Lately, life has given me some not-so-subtle reminders of the joy that patience can bring. There is a quote that says, “It was sunsets that taught me that beauty sometimes only lasts for a couple of moments, and it was sunrises that showed me that all it takes is patience to experience it all over again.” I think that the power of mindfulness is the ability it gives us to trust patient timing, and not try to force life to fit within the schedules that we so often are governed by. So many of us settle for the things that we think we should have by now, because they are within our reach. But I believe that it is the things that we have to stretch for, and practice patience in order to attain, are the things that make life so beautiful.

Which Way is Up?

There are 7.4 billion people in this world, and each of us are experiencing life in our own way. On our own journey. On our own path.

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Sometimes these paths cross. In fact, they cross many times, with many different people, at times when paths are smooth, and times when they are rocky.

When I was younger, I looked for guidance along my path through religion. Maybe God is responsible for my path, but how do I know what God wants? Or who God is?

I was told that God is that Father, but I didn’t really have much faith in those.

If God is the one who created me, why did he make my path so dark? I often thought God was mad at me. That maybe I had done something in a past life that present day Lauren was paying the price for. That’s why my path was steep, rocky, and had no light at the end of it.

My path was peppered with hurdles, as all of ours are. But my hurdles seemed disproportionate to my size. It had seemed that God had collected hurdles from quite a few others, and stacked them on my path, one by one.

But, this only taught me how to climb. I stayed valiant on my quest for answers, for who God was, and what He wanted from me. I eventually grew curious about the teachings of Eastern religions, and God began to feel a bit more familiar. A bit more compassionate.

I felt a sense of God in the trees. In the dirt. In the fresh spring air. God wasn’t this almighty plan-maker who dictates the shit storms that blow you off course. God wasn’t the path at all, but instead, was the compass.

The more in touch I felt with this notion, the clearer my direction became.

The paths that each of us are on, that’s called life, and we only get one of those. The only thing that we’re promised in life is that it will end, at some undisclosed point, for each and every one of us.

So, which way is up?

How do we strut down our paths confident that we’re headed in the right direction?

Awareness. 

Awareness, first and foremost, that we are on a path. Awareness that your path is not my path, and it is not meant to be.

It is often in good practice to tap back into the imaginative mind of your younger self. if you can still do this, that’s great news! For it means that you have not strayed too far off your intended path.

My younger self was inquisitive, which is a trait I fear will die out as questions are so swiftly answered by Siri and Alexa. But I don’t think either of them would be able to answer the questions that little Lauren had.

Hey Siri… why am I here?” 

I look back on my path, and I feel grateful for the darkness I have trekked through, for it has made me aware. Those whose paths were quite similar to their neighbor’s never really had much thought to question them. Their paths were pretty straight forward. Neither light nor dark, a few bumps, a few curves. So they carry on in whatever direction, lacking awareness of their inner compass that may be screaming, “don’t go THIS way, go THAT way!”

These folks typically end up sideways, surrounded by other sideways beings, who are all convinced that their way is up. Because they are unaware otherwise.

Then, there are some individuals who end up down. These are the ones whose paths were filled with obstacles, but rather than looking for answers, became buried in their darkness. Consumed by it. They internalized their hurdles, rather than seeking creative ways to jump over them. They don’t even question which way is up, because they have stopped caring.

Finally, there are those who are the up-most uppiest individuals. Those whose paths have been woven by the very fabric of their being. Whether their journey has taken them through the mud or through the clouds, they have been open-eyed to how each string of moments dictates the next, and so one and so forth, into all of eternity. They know that their path is uniquely their own, guided by their inner compass, leading them to exactly where they need to be.

“Awareness is therapy, per say.”  -Fritz Perls 

We as a society have been conditioned to not give ourselves enough credit. We’re told what we should want, and when we should want it. We’re told what will make us happy, and how much it will cost. With all of this streaming through our consciousness, it is not surprising that so many of us stray so far from our intended paths.

We end up in jobs that we hate, or in relationships where we are miserable, because of the facade that this is how it should go.

Now, with social media, we’re constantly being shown the likes of the paths of others, that makes us think, “Hey! I want that!”

But how many of these paths that we’re seeing are the ones that know which way is up? Not just those tricky tricksters who are sideways and saying, “Look! This is up! I guarantee it!”

A mindful eye changes everything. Begin to think of those moments you’ve experienced that seem rather inexplainable. Call it fate, call it God, but I’ll call it a timely notification from your inner compass saying, “Keep on heading in this direction! THIS way is up!”

The way up may be dark or it may be light. It could be sharp and filled with twists and turns, or it could be fluid with a couple of bumps in the road. But as long as you follow your own path, it will get you to where you need to be, when you need to be there.

It will make you your youest you.